My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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