Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
