you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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