Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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