Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
