I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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