I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
