She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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