Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
