dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
