giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
