Fuck appropriateness.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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