HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
