They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
