Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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