THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
