It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
