Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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