She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
