I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you traded sex for a burrito?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
