If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
