This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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