i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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