Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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