i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
3pm strippers are depressing
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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