Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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