Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
