can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Randomize
