Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
