so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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