oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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