he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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