Pants 0. Shit 1.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
