I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
