All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
