Is it because I queefed?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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