I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
