DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
