Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
