He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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