I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
