Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
