I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
