I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
