My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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