You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
