i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
