I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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