don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I stole a fireplace last night.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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