Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
