Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
