I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
