When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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